Parenting: Supporting my child who has anxiety
As a mother, I thought I had it all figured out. Until one day, I realized my daughter's needs had evolved and my parenting approach needed to adapt accordingly. Before delving into attachment and family training, I was just a mom who wanted the best for her daughter. Mindful of my parents’ stress on my education and how that shaped me, I aimed to avoid imposing the same pressures on her. We instilled values of respect and kindness, and she embodied them as an independent, smart, and capable individual. Indeed, that made us proud parents.
However, the pandemic brought about unexpected challenges. Like many families, we transitioned to remote learning, withdrew her from preschool, and adopted more stringent safety measures than other families. When the time came to return to in-person schooling, our once-independent daughter became clingy, developed phobias that we couldn't understand, and exhibited signs of sensitivity and anxiety. When she struggled going to school, we tried our best to soothe her but her phobias continued to get in the way. Was it her age, the pandemic, our parenting, or the world at large? We were unsure.
Seeking support from an EMDR therapist, given my own EMDR training, we patiently followed the therapist's recommendations, hoping for relief. But at the same time, still setting up some spaces where she could still “practice” her independence and capacity. After all, being independent was her personality, right? She had exemplified that through her toddler years. However, her anxiety persisted, leaving us perplexed. Was the therapy effective? Did she need more frequent sessions? The answers eluded us, until I realized that the answer was there all along - her needs at that time were different. And I was not being supportive at all.
Rather than pushing independence, she craved understanding, patience, and affection. We adjusted our strategy, providing talks and hugs during anxious moments, more one-on-one time when needed, and gentleness during overstimulation. Gradually, her anxiety transformed, and she began to regain her independence. Our morning routine streamlined, and we became more mindful of reducing pressure on her.
While it remains a work in progress, this experience emphasizes the fluid nature of parenting. I acknowledge the moments I missed her cues, but as parents, we must grant ourselves grace in a journey where kids don't come with a manual.
If you find yourself navigating parenting challenges or seeking support for your family, consider reaching out through our website at www.selfawarenesswithstephanie.com. Feel free to call 424-209-8959 or click here for a free consultation. We specialize in couples therapy, individual therapy, and family therapy, offering compassionate guidance tailored to your needs. Also, don't miss out on our podcast, Kamalayan: Conversations To Self-Awareness, for valuable insights to make living a little more interesting and meaningful.
Remember, you're not alone in this journey – reach out for the support you and your family deserve.
