How to be a Calm Parent:

I know that it's a big struggle for parents to keep themselves calm when interacting with their kids. After all, who doesn't get worked up when their child just keeps pushing their buttons? I know that when my kids start to tease and argue with each other, it gets me riled up at times. However, like you, we all have the intention to be that Calm Parent: someone who can respond with intention and grace, and someone who can be firm yet supportive.

Here are some parenting tips to be that Calm Parent:

1) Practice mindfulness (do one task at a time)I know, I know. Why would being mindful help me with parenting? Mindfulness, also known as focusing on the present moment, helps slow down our thoughts, feelings, and actions, reducing overall stress levels and promoting calm parenting. You know how when you do the laundry, the dishes, and clean the bathroom at the same time, you get more frustrated and more irritable? It's like having many tabs open—the more tabs that are opened, the more rushed and frustrated you become, and frankly, the less likely you'll be that Calm Parent. Instead of multitasking, try focusing on the present moment, whatever that is (dishes, driving, working out). When you build that habit, it helps you keep one "tab" open, making it more manageable and easier to calm yourself down..

2) Practice mindfulness (notice your body sensations)

The next time you "flip your lid," ask yourself, "What did I feel in my body?" "Were my teeth clenched? Did my heart race? Did I struggle to breathe? Were my palms sweaty?" If these were the sensations when you "flipped out," try to catch yourself when you're mildly distressed (maybe 4 out of 10) the next time you talk to your kids, and take some deep breaths to slow yourself down (also see #4). A great way to practice mindfulness and notice your body sensations is by doing something enjoyable—notice the different textures and flavors of your salad as you slowly chew, notice the way the iced tea feels as it goes down your throat, notice the cool breeze as it hits your face while you walk around the neighborhood.

3.) Resource another adult

Play "tag, you're it" with another parent/caregiver in the home BEFORE things become difficult. The moment you notice your stress levels go up, reach out to another adult in the home to mediate for a bit while you calm down. No other parent in the home? Give yourself a "time out" and cool things off before coming back to the discussion. The more stressed you are, the more likely you are to raise your voice, and the more escalated the situation becomes. Make sure you reach out to other parent friends to commiserate and consult. Talking to other parents makes you feel less alone and isolated.

4.) Slow down

Slow down your speech. When you slow down your speech, you allow yourself more time to choose your words carefully and articulate your thoughts effectively. This can help you avoid misunderstandings or saying things you might regret later.

Slow down your actions. Rushing into actions can often lead to impulsive decisions or mistakes and often escalates the situation.

Slow down your thoughts. Take deep breaths between sentences. By taking deep breaths between sentences, you create a natural pause that allows you to regain composure and approach the conversation or situation with a clearer mind.

Feeling frustrated and raising your voice are all part of parenting little humans. However, making small changes ourselves can make all the difference in becoming the parent that we want to be. If you find yourself constantly getting worked up and seeking a more peaceful dynamic within your family, it may be beneficial to consider family therapy. I, as a seasoned family therapist, can provide the guidance and support you need to foster a harmonious environment at home.

Through personalized sessions, I help families develop effective communication strategies, navigate conflicts, and cultivate healthier relationships. My expertise in family dynamics and my compassionate approach create a safe space for exploring emotions and finding practical solutions. Don't hesitate to take that crucial step towards creating a more peaceful and fulfilling family life.

Book a consultation today and take the opportunity to invest in your family's well-being and embark on a transformative journey towards becoming the calm and connected parent you aspire to be. Your family deserves the harmony and happiness that comes with nurturing a supportive and loving environment.