How to Communicate with Difficult or Emotionally Unavailable Parents During the Holidays
With Thanksgiving approaching, family gatherings may feel inevitable, especially if your relationship with your parents has been strained. Whether it's due to past negative experiences, emotional absence, or a major conflict, these encounters can be challenging.
For some, cutting ties seems necessary, but others try to maintain a relationship despite triggering conversations. Holidays can amplify these tensions, with unrealistic expectations of togetherness. While you can't avoid the holidays, there are ways to maintain peace during these stressful interactions.
Holidays are always hard; Hallmark movies usually depict picture-perfect families that are impossible to attain or there is an unreasonable expectation of closeness during the Season that perhaps wasn’t even there the rest of the year.
While we can’t do away with Holidays, there are helpful ways to maintain some semblance of peace during this Season, especially when interacting with your parents.
Set an intention for yourself - Is it to cruise through Thanksgiving without yelling? Or is it to avoid talking about the elections? Whatever it is, let that guide you in your actions for that day.
Make expectations realistic - Expectations that your feelings of betrayal toward parents will be resolved during dinner is unfortunately unrealistic. Not everything has to be discussed in one sitting. And just like eating Thanksgiving dinner, keep your conversations to a wide variety of this and that.
Set some boundaries - It is perfectly OK to say something like, “Mom, I’d really like it if we didn’t talk about this today. Can we talk about it another time?” After all, the goal for Thanksgiving is to eat dinner together, not hash out hurts.
Give yourself some grace - If you struggle with sitting through the entire dinner, maybe just come by for the first hour, or come in during dessert. After all, if it’s too triggering, there’s no point in having you feel anxious the whole time. Protect your emotional well-being.
Give yourself some love afterwards- AAfter a potentially stressful family gathering, take time to unwind - wrap yourself in your favorite blanket, snuggle by the fireplace, curl up with a good book or good music. Give yourself whatever comfort your inner child needs at that moment.
At Nurture and Heal Counseling, we specialize in family therapy for adult children and inner child healing. We understand that, despite being a thriving adult, interacting with your parents can still trigger deep emotions. We’re here to provide a safe space for your inner child to process and heal those feelings. Contact us here or email at info@nurtureandhealcounseling.com or call/text us at 424-209-8959 for support.
